I will remember

I'm feeling thankful for all my many blessings from God Himself!!! The rescue, the saving, the infilling and the changing!!! I remember every step, hope you do, too! This song reminds me of it all!! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JoqV2ucPsaI

eating

Oh man..doctor said to lose 15 lbs. Not a lot, but it does mean making changes. I wish I wasn't so in love with food..greasy fattening food especially. I can think of so many excuses for not eating right. My jaw won't allow constant munching of carrots. I can't make a sandwich without bread. What will I use as that 3rd item on a plate (yes it has to be 3)..if I'm withholding carbs. I love food as mentioned, but I hate having to constantly think about it in the realm of counting points, calories, etc. I am leerie of fake food, too. Margarine, low fat cheese, etc. Very confusing.

15 pounds is not a lot to lose. I've started riding the excercise bike 20 to 30 min a day..that compared to NOTHING is surely going to help. I'm currently browning a pork chop cut in half to share with my husband who also wants to lose weight. I cannot afford joining diet 'clubs'. Nor can I have food delivered in small boxes like Jennie Craig diets.

I COULD just take my chances and eat what I jolly well want and let the chips fall where they may. Just be fat. Just wait for the heart attack. But, I do have grandkids I love and want to see grow up. If you have any suggestions that are SIMPLE let me know. Most diet books have this menu that consists of 'recipes' which involve either expensive ingredients or is complicated or never re-uses an ingredient. I just need help with menues that put 3 items on my plate that are of a certain size that tastes good, didn't cost an arm and leg and colorful without hours of preparation...is that too much to ask? Yeah..probably so. I'll figure it out!!!

my visitor

Spending the afternoon with granddaughter, Stella. Picked her up at kindergarten and off to McDonalds. When I got the food I asked "Do you want to eat in the big play room?" She said "no, I want to play at your house". A lady standing by said "what a nice compliment that she'd rather play at your house". She's a great child!!!

siblings

You ever get frustrated with your siblings? I have a sister that sometimes makes me nuts...but I'm pretty sure it works both ways. I cannot stop myself from lecturing her as she contradicts herself in one phone call. She's the older one, too. I'm sure the right thing is to just listen and shut the heck up. Maybe I am unleashing unresolved stuff inside from those who I do NOT feel I can confront easily about things so when talking to my sister out it comes. I don't know, but all I can do is vow to do better next time, right?

aging of the face

I went to the 'vampire' to have blood drawn this morning. Had to fast. I was hungry. Having a physical next week, so getting the blood work done ahead. There are so many sick people that I found myself thanking God for my good health. Yes, I have medical issues, but none life threatening that I'm aware of. Overweight..unfortunately, but it's my own fault there. I just love food. I'm my own worst enemy. Now, I have myself convinced if I lost weight, my facial skin would hang down Tom Dooley, thereby aging me visibly. Everybody knows fat people have younger faces. Ok..my husband didn't buy that rationale, but too bad. That's my story and I'm stickin to it. Gotta go..my hot dog 'dinged' in the microwave.

Shame.

I was trying to figure out why criticism hurts me so much. I think it's because when someone criticizes you, you feel ashamed of yourself. Shame is a terrible feeling. I grew up feeling that way about how we lived. The things going on in our home that were 'shameful'. I've never outgrown that feeling. I can push it far far to the background when I surround myself with loving people, God's people. When friends tell me they love me, or think I'm funny or just accept me with all my failings and fears the shame is gone. I know most of the shame comes from self talk that needs improving.

I hope the way I talk to others never brings them that feeling of shame. I need God's help to love without label. To embrace the person even if their lifestyle is contrary to mine. In many cases, the person is feeling enough blame and shame without my input. Shame can drive you to destructive feelings like worthlessness and even suicidal thoughts. I never want to be someone who brings those feelings to the surface in someone. Lord, help me to love as YOU do, unconditionally!!