Tuesday, February 10, 2015


It's been 8 months since my son, Michael, died.  June 3, 2014.  See saw of emotion and lack of emotion.  I still find it overwhelming to do simple tasks and I want to stay in bed much longer.  I have laughed, and I have cried.  Reading about grief, hearing songs about death or even just a beautiful melody brings on the sorrow.

I have accepted his death..yet not really.  I question my faith and feel desperate to know for sure he's in Heaven.  I was not part of his life the last few years except messages I sent via facebook.  He rejected my friend requests and efforts to have a relationship.  He never stopped his feeling he referred to as apathy towards me.  Better anger than apathy.  Different times I'd run into him, like granddaughter's birthday parties and he'd allow a hug, a picture, but there was definately indifference on his part.  It hurt.  But losing him doesn't hurt any less because he did not return my love.  If anything it hurts more because of the unfinished business.  Oh how I worked toward a relationship.

Just spilling my guts as I've had a good cry and felt the need to write things down.

Until the next time


Anonymous said...

Flo, it took a terribly long time before I could sing a song about dying and the grave after my mother died and then 3 weeks later my son-in-law whom I loved dearly. You are normal as I questioned my faith a lot and asked God why you would take someone who was only 52 years old and my daughter needed in her life. I do know how you feel Flo and I really care too. Only time can heal and no one can say how much time for each person either as it depends on the person that is left behind. Love you Flo! Nita

Flo said...

reading this april 12..thanks Nita!